I am always one to keep it completely real, raw and uncomfortable in a way with you guys because as I’ve mentioned in the past: life’s greatest things never come from inside your comfort zone. Recently, I’ve not been feeling the greatest about my body and the way I view it. Normally, I am completely confident in my body image and appreciate all that my body does but I have hard days just like everyone else. And guess what? That’s a completely normal and a valid feeling to have.
My skin has been breaking out extremely bad lately because of stress from school and life, hormones, and who the hell knows what else. I’ve found that I haven’t been able to be as active as I was over the summer so I begin to feel heavy and unhealthy in a way when that is not the case at all. When I have the chance to go experience fall activities or just simply enjoy all that life has to offer I get a guilty feeling. I get a guilty feeling before, during and after. Before because I can never seem to find an outfit I completely love and feel comfortable in. During because I can never get over how many calories I’m consuming by indulging in a doughnut. And after because I’m going the extra mile to burn that doughnut off at the gym that night. I’ve found myself comparing myself to my smaller or “skinnier” friends in pictures, just wishing that I could wear some of the clothes that they do. I’ve found myself looking in the mirror to nit-pick every ounce of cellulite or every dangly piece of “fat” and feeling disgusted by the acne on my cheeks.
Feeling disgusted about my own body? Everyone has acne. No one has 0% body fat. Everyone has “insecurities.” I saw a video recently from a woman recovering from an eating disorder and she put an idea so into perspective that I hadn’t thought of before but need to share with you all. Say you live until you’re 86 and you’re 20 right now, that means you have 66 fall seasons left. That means you only have 66 times left in your life to enjoy that doughnut at the cider mill. To enjoy that caramel apple or that pumpkin pie. That is not that much at all. Wouldn’t you rather spend that small amount of time enjoying your fall festivities or Christmas festivities, whatever it may be, with your friends and family instead of harping on the fact that you have to go to the gym later to burn it off? Now, believe me, this is something I am still at the moment working on but if you just remember that life is short, you’re making a step in the right direction.
It’s okay to skip a day at the gym. It’s okay to try that delicious, indulgent meal at a restaurant. It’s okay to eat after midnight because you have a craving. It’s okay to enjoy life. Please remember that.
XOXO, Tayler
Tayler Renee May 