My Battle with Confidence

Just the word ‘bathing suit’ used to freak me out. I used to associate that word with fear and anxiety. Now, though, I associate bathing suits with warmth and hanging with friends and FUN! What?! Fun?! Yes, ladies fun. The feeling of the warm sun on my bare (pale lol) skin gets me excited to put on a swimsuit. Believe me, I did not used to be this so forth-coming with wearing practically no clothes. It literally just comes with time and comes from within.

• 

• 

If you would’ve told awkward me 3 years ago, my senior year of high school that I would have a blog promoting confidence and body positivity I would’ve told you that you were ABSOLUTELY INSANE! Yes, I always wanted to have a beauty or fashion platform but there was something holding me back. I now know that it was my confidence. I would’ve been a hypocrite if I preached confidence and positivity back then and don’t think I would have as much success and good feedback as I’m getting right now. I look back on pictures from my senior year and just want to jump through the screen and tell the anxious, scared girl that it will get better and you are a beautiful, strong, confident woman because I can see it in my smile. My smile today is WAY bigger than a couple years ago. I didn’t know it back then how much I was lacking in confidence but I look back and am just like WOW, how much of a different person I am now and just love the place I am at.

I had to figure that out for myself though as does everyone else. Someone can tell you how beautiful you look but you need to believe that yourself. In high school I was actually thinner than I am now but I have never been happier then right at this moment. Don’t get me wrong I still take care of my body and try to eat right and exercise as much as I can but I don’t do it to lose weight, I do it to stay healthy. My weight wasn’t the only thing that made my feel ‘worth-less’ in high school. I had braces and acne and was stuck in the comparison game. “She has the prettiest smile, I wish I had teeth that looked like.” “The boys are giving her attention because she’s thin.” “I have the ugliest skin, why can’t my skin look like her’s?” Comparing is the worst possible thing you can do. Everyone has different body types and different circumstances. The person you could be comparing yourself to is probably battling with confidence issues as well and you just don’t know it.

Ever since starting my blog I get asked, “Aren’t you so critical looking at your pictures? Did it take you a while to get used to it?” This question actually saddens me. I love taking pictures because they capture a moment. A moment in time I will never get back but I have the picture to document it. It breaks my heart when I hear people say, “I don’t want to take a picture, I look gross” or “I hate taking pictures.” TAKE AS MANY PICTURES AS YOU CAN! You should want pictures to look back on yourself and for your family members and friends in the future. My answer to people when I get asked that is “No, I obviously don’t like every picture taken of me, who does? But I also like the majority of them because it is all in the smile and confidence. If I look happy, then I’m happy.” So, please take pictures whenever you get the chance, even the ugly, embarrassing ones! Moral of the story is that I didn’t get to be this way over night, it takes time and you have to do it yourself. Stay strong and push through and you will be able to get to this point too.

XOXO, Tayler